I wrote the majority of this article in June 2013.
Oh and I know the footnotes are all out of whack, it took me ages to try and sort out and I had to wonder if the 13 people who read this will really care that much.
Oh and I know the footnotes are all out of whack, it took me ages to try and sort out and I had to wonder if the 13 people who read this will really care that much.
I’ve been watching
the basketball playoffs lately, or more specifically I’ve been watching the
Miami Heat. Even more specifically than that I’ve been watching Lebron James. I
have been seduced by the American sports world obsession with Lebron and have
given it a very special part of my life. Last year that involved staying up
till 4.30 in the morning every couple of days to watch him finally silence his
critics, this year its been more of a ‘first thing in the morning’ type of deal.
I purchased a package called NBA gametime which lets me watch the games on
replay with, and this is the attractive part, the commercial breaks cut out. A huge
advantage when you invest as much time as I do in the NBA and NFL.
There is
no rational reason for me to be following the Heat as fervently as I do, none
at all. I root for them because I’ve become a huge Lebron James
fan, I’m a signed up, certified Lebron Kool-Aid drinker 1 It’s all Skip Bayless’s fault really. In case
you don’t know Bayless, he’s a panellist on ESPN’s show First Take and a
full time loud mouth sensationalist. You either love him or hate him and I must
admit, I was slightly smitten with Skip in the beginning (mainly due to his
crazed defence of Tim Tebow who I have another soft spot for) but during the
2011/12 basketball season he attacked LeBron so relentlessly it just became
ridiculous and the more I listened to his rants the more I wanted Lebron and by
extension the Heat to win.
They did win of course and Lebron was named
finals MVP, it kind of shut Skip up but being sensationalist, hypocritical and
incredibly stubborn is basically his shtick so he’s still found time to
criticise Lebron even when according to any respected basketball reporter, James
has been nothing short of amazing all season long. Anyway, this post wasn’t originally meant to be about
Bayless even though I’m realising I could probably bang out a good 2,000 words
about him and his frustrating opinions. No, its main focus is on something
else that’s been consuming my thoughts while watching Lebron so closely, that
is flopping, fistbumps and (unfortunately I couldn’t come up with another ‘f’
word to complete my alliterative set) basketball players obsession with helping
their team mates up from the floor.
‘Flopping’ in the NBA is what
we would refer to as diving in football or more recently the GAA. I don’t
know exactly why the Americans chose to go with ‘flopping’ over the perfectly suitable
‘diving’ but then they have a track record with this sort of thing, gasoline,
sidewalk, elevator etc. To the ear I prefer the word ‘diving’ but as it’s
generally considered quite the ignoble act maybe the more languid ‘flopping’ is
appropriate. The definition of flopping is ‘to fall or plump down suddenly,especially with noise’, while diving gets the rather elegant description
of ‘to plunge, fall, or descend through the air.’ Upon finding out these
definitions there might actually be some practical sense to this. The
opportunity to dive in football generally arises when a player is tripped or
apprehended while running, hence creating more of a
falling or descending motion. Basketball players usually prefer to hit
the ground when they take issue with a slightly over zealous body check. This
leads to said player falling or plumping1 suddenly, and ya, generally I’d say they make some noise while doing
so. Now, it must be stated that if basketball players had the room afforded to
their soccer-playing brethren I firmly believe they would take to the air like
Jurgen Klinsmann in his hey day but lets not get side tracked again. There is
also the obvious, lets call them ‘unmanly’ connotations to the word so if we
are discussing millionaire sports men throwing themselves to the ground in
front of thousands of people to gain an advantage, it seems the Americans might
have been right to go with the slightly more shameful ‘flopping.’
Flopping in some form exists in almost every sport. These next issues do as well but they seem more common in basketball. They are: 1. NBA players almost refusing to get up
from the floor until they have at least one teammate to help
them up, and 2. Ritualistic bumping of fists after every free throw.
I find these actions both fascinating and annoying in equal measure.
I know it’s all to do with creating and fostering a sense of camaraderie especially with the free throws, but after every single one? Wouldn’t it start to lose any meaning after a while? It’s like someone telling you they love you. It’s fantastic in the right context when the other person just understands that is what you need to hear. However, if something happened every day or even a few times a day where both people knew they had to either give or receive an ‘I love you’ wouldn’t it begin to grate on you, wouldn’t it become a burden?
I find these actions both fascinating and annoying in equal measure.
I know it’s all to do with creating and fostering a sense of camaraderie especially with the free throws, but after every single one? Wouldn’t it start to lose any meaning after a while? It’s like someone telling you they love you. It’s fantastic in the right context when the other person just understands that is what you need to hear. However, if something happened every day or even a few times a day where both people knew they had to either give or receive an ‘I love you’ wouldn’t it begin to grate on you, wouldn’t it become a burden?
Most of
the time they don’t even care either. They just throw their arms out without
acknowledging their fellow man or putting any effort in. It’s not a ‘you just nailed a 3 pointer with
2 seconds left’ type of fist bump, far from it, it’s a ‘I’m just gonna rub your
hand because every other basketball player does and it would be weird if I
didn’t’ situation. It’s the same when it comes to helping a teammate
from the floor, there is an obligation and a very strange obligation at that.
These are some of the fittest, strongest men on the planet. They can pick
themselves up from the floor, at least a few times. They don’t need help every time, surely. I mean how much energy are you actually saving by having two
guys grab your arms and pull you up, you still have to get those quads working
and push yourself up. And isn’t any energy you save nullified by the amount of
effort the two guys put in sprinting over to you and pulling you up while
you petulantly sit waiting to be helped up? I’m looking at you D-Wade.1
This photo is strange on so many levels.
Which
brings me on to my final point and the most interesting observation. There is
such a clear hierarchy going on in all this. I’ll use the Miami Heat as an
example as I have watched them more than any other team throughout the year.
Lebron is the alpha dog, therefore he almost never helps people up and is
always helped up. He partakes in the fist bumping if he is shooting free throws,
less so when he’s watching on. Dwayne Wade comes next. He will steadfastly
refuse to get up until his teammates come to help him, sometimes to the
detriment of his own team. More enthusiastic on the free throws bumps than
Lebron. Chris Bosh and Mario Chalmers come next. They will help if they are in
the vicinity and will occasionally pick themselves up from a fall without help.
Extremely reliable fist bumpers. Then comes Shane Battier, Mike Miller and Chris
Andersen. These guys don’t mess around and are highly aware of how lucky they
are to be along for the ride with Lebron. They will accept help if it’s there
but have no problem jumping back up and getting on with things, they will
always fist bump the free throw shooter and go out of their way to make contact
with the four other guys on the court after their own free throw attempts. But most importantly they will never, under any circumstances, let Lebron or Wade take on the mammoth task of lifting themselves off the floor on their own. They complete this task so enthusiastically that it could possibly be written into their contracts.
I guess this is just a more obvious representation of the hierarchies that exist
in every sport. Players know their place within the team and generally act
accordingly. In a smaller team sport like basketball this becomes even clearer,
especially when there is such an emphasis on ‘star’ power in the NBA. I have
never come across a sport that so clearly breaks down the quality of players
into specific categories such as; super stars, all-stars, normal stars, all the
way down the line until you reach the derogatory term of ‘scrub’. Shane Battier and co are in no way
scrubs but they are far enough away from bona fide superstars like Lebron and
D-Wade that when Lebron falls on his ass, someone further down the food chain
will be there to pick him up. Every time. Without fail.
Thought of the day: If you have to count 413 letters, make sure you count them correctly. Or you will have to count them again. You have been warned.
Thought of the day: If you have to count 413 letters, make sure you count them correctly. Or you will have to count them again. You have been warned.
1 If you don’t get that reference you’re not watching enough American sports in my opinion.
1 Never had cause to use the word 'plumping' before today
1 Chances of D-Wade reading this? I'm gonna say 6/1. I'm feeling cocky today
No comments:
Post a Comment